Between Hinge, Tinder, and Bumble, dating has never been so simple. And that’s exactly the problem.
Women navigating the dating scene today become more discouraged after every bad date. They’re thinking: If I’m on all the dating apps with thousands of options and still can’t find my person, what’s wrong with me? To that, Serena Kerrigan’s new book serves as a hug and a slap in the face.
“Let’s F*cking Date: Become the Prize, Enjoy the Ride, and Never Settle Again” turns countless dating-advice videos into a simplified dating guide. Woven together with Kerrigan’s own humorous experiences, the book is the newest how-to for women in the modern dating market.
Kerrigan serves as a contemporary Carrie Bradshaw, advising women across the globe with her witty, straightforward approach to dating. The social media influencer and entrepreneur has curated a fanbase of over a million followers across all social media platforms, with her biggest fanbase TikTok, having over 600,000 followers.
Kerrigan brought her knowledge to Boston last week for an author event and Q&A hosted by Trident Booksellers and led by fellow content creator Natalie Benson.
Glass of wine in hand, Kerrigan bantered with the audience as if she was chatting with her closest girlfriends, eager to connect with every single person in the audience. She discussed the ins and outs of her book in an unfiltered and endearingly honest fashion, her cheeky sense of humor and relatability serving as her credibility.
Kerrigan began the discussion by explaining why she felt this was the right time to write a book using the endless stories and experiences from dating in her twenties.
“I felt like it was time to write a book for that woman of today, who is self-assured and knows who she is and doesn’t want to settle. I felt like some of the other dating books were a little outdated,” Kerrigan said to the audience. “I understand that there’s this tension between wanting love and wanting a relationship, and also being an empowered bad bitch and having that independence, but they can coexist.”
Kerrigan also spoke about her inspiration for the book’s title and how she decided which details to include.
“It was so important for me to include, ‘enjoy the ride,’” Kerrigan said. “No rom-com film goes right to the ‘happily ever after.’ They go through a montage of all the shitty dates and then they find the guy. See yourself as the main character of a movie, like [you know] it’s gonna work out for you. So let’s just have fun.”
One of Kerrigan’s main points of advice was to think of every bad date or failed romantic pursuit as “clearing out the trash,” rather than letting each one dim your self-confidence.
“I got by the three P’s: practice, potential, or plot. Every date you go on falls in one of these categories,” Kerrigan said.
Kerrigan then doubled down, saying the book is not only a guide to going on dates and relationships, but to staying self-assured and not altering personality traits to make someone more interested.
“I feel like I was told a lot that I’d be too intimidating and that I’d have to edit myself to make a man feel not emasculated, and a lot of the time, the people telling me this were women,” Kerrigan said. “[But I thought] okay so if they’re intimidated, why is that my problem? Why can’t I just be a successful, smart, bad bitch? Why can’t I just show up and be myself?”
Kerrigan also said the book serves as a lesson in self-confidence, which she believes is a necessary foundation for anyone looking to get into a relationship. She repeatedly told the audience that talking to themselves in the mirror was a “non-negotiable,” gasping when someone said they had never done that before.
“At the end of almost every chapter, it says ‘mirror.’ I literally made something so that we can go in front of our mirrors and say to ourselves: ‘you’re fucking hot,’” Kerrigan told the audience. “We’re so mean to ourselves. I don’t think that confidence has anything to do with a relationship, your confidence comes from within. When you feel empowered, that is when you’ll find your person.”
Kerrigan is currently in a three-year relationship with the host of the “Unlike Me” podcast, Felix Levine. Kerrigan said that before she dated Levine, she overthought every text she sent and had constant anxiety. With Levine, she said she feels safe enough to be herself and doesn’t worry about her strong personality driving him away.
“With the right person, you can’t do anything wrong,” Kerrigan said. “When you are yourself, that’s who you are going to attract. When you feel safe, that’s how you know it’s the right person.”
Kerrigan also shared that Levine didn’t have all the attributes she was looking for in a partner, and encouraged the audience to not limit themselves to their ideal type.
“In this book, I have a chapter called ‘The List,’ and it’s about making a list of qualities that you want in a partner,” Kerrigan said. “I figured out that I was looking for someone that would make me feel safe, seen, and celebrated. That doesn’t necessarily need to be at a certain height, a certain age, or a certain job. Like, does he really need to be in finance? Does he really need to be over six feet?”
A few audience members asked Kerrigan for her advice on how to branch out from dating apps, and where she recommends they go to meet men. Kerrigan said she has the best luck with meeting men when she’s on vacation. She says this is because she was taken from her regular routine and doing things she wouldn’t normally do. Incorporating that mentality into her everyday life led her to meeting Levine, she said.
“How often have you stepped out of your comfort zone? How often have you gone to the new coffee shop? How often have you taken a different route to work? We get very comfortable,” Kerrigan said. “We go to the same street, we go to the same bar. When you’re on vacation, you’re outside of your comfort zone. You’re saying yes to shit you normally would say no to, ’cause, fuck it: you have a flight to catch in the morning. So, how can you create that vacation mentality and bring it back home? Challenge yourself. I think that is the trick.”
Kerrigan’s book is available on shelves now. While never wavering from her blunt nature, Kerrigan showered the audience with positive reinforcement, closing off her book talk by reassuring them with unquestionable confidence.
“If you know for a fact that your person is out there, like the sky is blue or your taxes are due, you’ll see every rejection as an ‘okay, next,’” Kerrigan said. “You start seeing it in a different way, versus ‘something’s wrong with me,’ because you know the guy is coming.”
Dating guru-turned-author Serena Kerrigan empowers single women at Trident Booksellers – The Berkeley Beacon
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