Dating Advice for Women: A Man’s Secret Wish For What He Wants From a Woman

In a world bombarded with relationship books touting which planet men are from and why he’s not into you, you would think women would have a pretty good idea of what men are really looking for in a woman and a relationship. Right? Well… after interviewing over 2,000 men in all age demographics, careers and locales, the answer to question #92 actually had me tearing up as men revealed their heartfelt feelings about the most-important thing he wants from the woman in his life. See what these men had to say about their secret wish…

In a questionnaire that covered 98 questions on all facets of what men are looking for in women, dating and a relationship, some of the answers were not too surprising; others made my jaw drop. I knew if 2,000 men all listed some of the same answers, there was truth in their words. I also realized women were clueless on the most-important things men needed from the woman they had chosen to be a part of their lives.

I Need a Hero

Question 92 asked: “What is the most-important thing you want from the woman in your life?” I know what you’re thinking-sex had to be number one. Wrong! The number one wish was for her to see him as her HERO. When I saw the word Hero popping up over and over in that survey’s answer, I did find myself with tears in my eyes. These men dropped their masks of macho and pride, and let us get a glimpse into a very powerful need. Here are a few of the direct answers:

• “I don’t think women know how hard we try to please them,” said Mark from Kentucky.

• “I guess it’s the cave man thing,” Douglas from Florida reported. “We want to protect and be needed. Every guy wants to feel like a Hero in his girl’s eyes.”

• “Bottom line-men want to feel needed and appreciated.” (Emanuel from Illinois)

• “I want to be her Hero. Simple as that. I want to see a look in her eyes that says, “You are so important to me. You make me feel safe and cared for.”

(Mike from California)

There it is. A man thrives on feeling appreciated, admired and loved, but his secret wish is be a Hero in his woman’s eyes. I don’t know about you, but that really touched me. One comment that especially stood out was one from a 34-year-old father in Utah. He said it’s the same feeling he gets when his little girl runs to greet him as he comes through the door from work. He describe how it feels to see the total delight on her face to have him home, and throw her arms around his neck and say, “I missed you, Daddy!” This young man commented that the same thrill runs through a man when the woman in his life shows how much she is happy to have him home. “It’s a much stronger emotion with your wife,” he said, “and really, REALLY AMAZING!”

Today’s Challenge For Men

Today’s man is afraid to open doors for women for fear they will get yelled at. Men have asked me if women see it as a sign of weakness to let men offer protection or simple courtesies these days. The simple act of opening a stuck jar lid for a woman and having her appreciate his strength may sound minor, but to the men I interviewed, it was a big deal. Admiring his masculinity was HUGE in their perspective of what makes them feel attracted to a certain woman.

Viva La Difference!

This should be a no-brainer… accentuate the difference between men and women by playing up what makes you all woman and admiring what makes him all man. It’s called “chemistry” and it has not changed over the years despite the diplomas hanging on your wall. Men want to feel needed! They want to feel appreciated for what they bring to the table, including rippling biceps! I cannot emphasize this enough! And, ladies, this goes for all the men in your life. Want that teenage son of yours to help more around the house? Start thanking him and appreciating him for the chores he does. I raised four sons, and my sincere appreciation of their masculine contribution to our home went a long way. They still open my doors even though they are now married and have another woman playing the major role in their life. I still ask, “May I borrow your muscles to open this for me, please?” and they still come running. Manipulation? Nope! Sincere appreciation for what makes the sexes different. And I love the smile that pops up on their face.

I want to summarize by asking you one question: How do you feel when the man in your life compliments you on how nice you look, or your curves, or your smile, or he can’t wait to be with you? Pretty nice, isn’t it? We all like feeling like we are on a pedestal. Put him there, tie a red cape around his shoulders and appreciate what he brings to your life.

You can see the other questions and answers to the survey of 2,000 men at our Dating and Relationship section on

Make it sparkle.

Rebecca F. Pittman, creator of

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