A first date brings with it the usual nervousness with a mixture of anticipation. Could this lead to something amazing? Could it be another disappointment? What should I wear? I wish I had lost those 5 pounds I promised to work on 5 months ago. All the typical thoughts that race through your mind as you prepare for the big night. But… what are men thinking as they go into all the preparations to meet you? You may be surprised!
If you’ve read my other articles you know I spent many years interviewing over 2,000 men on the topic of women. From dating to marriage, pet peeves to things that make their heart flutter, I asked these guys 98 questions about romance, relationships and love. What I found was that men are a lot more romantic than women give them credit for. They fall in love faster, believe in love at first sight, and want that special lady in their life to be happy.
So, when it comes to the first date, as they search for the foot that will fit the glass slipper, they are just as nervous as you are. In fact, they are usually more so. Why? Because they are typically in charge of planning the date, choosing the meeting place, driving to meet you, and hoping they look good and will impress you. I asked the Bull Pen of men on my new TV talk show, Troubleshooting Men, What in the World do they want? how hard it is for a guy to meet a new woman. The answer was a unanimous “It’s REALLY hard! Men fear rejection more than women do.” They went on to talk about being sized up by a female and the need to impress her.
“We wonder if you will like the restaurant we picked out, or what we’re wearing, or our haircut, or our cologne, and most of all, our conversation, wit, and accomplishments,” said several men on the survey. “We realize women are anxious to put their best foot forward as well, but the guy usually sets up the first date and he puts a lot of thought into where, when and the whole package. Women would be surprised how many guys go out and buy new clothes, a haircut, etc. for that first date.”
After all that preparation, what are men hoping will happen on the first date? Both the men in the Bull Pen and the 2,000 gentlemen from my survey all chimed in with “FUN!” They wanted the night to be fun. They wanted to laugh, feel engaged in the conversation, be surprised by her, intrigued and wanting to know more. They wanted to leave work and other worries behind and just remember what it feels like to be a guy feeling those incomparable feelings of romance and laughter.
“Too many women are too serious on a first date,” many men commented. “They talk about work and hardships, or they don’t relax and smile. They are too busy fussing with their hair and wondering if we think they are pretty. The girl that just enjoys herself, laughs at my jokes, drops hints of a great life she has where she fills her days with cool hobbies and friends, gives us a glimpse of a life we might want to join. No guy wants to sign up for a life of negativity and someone who is hoping you will provide a life for her. What happened to fun?”
So, there you have it. A first date is nervous for everyone, but try to relax, focus on him, thank him for the trouble he went to, to put the date together and choose a place he hoped you would like, laugh, be engaged in the conversation, ask him questions and leave some mystery so that he wants to come back and learn more. Above all, no complaining or negativity! Have FUN!
Make it sparkle!
Rebecca F. Pittman, creator of Troubleshooting Men